I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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