if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize