Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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