i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
