She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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