Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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