you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
