He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
