I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
