Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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