Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
