I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
