There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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