Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
