i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
