Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
