I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
