have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
