I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
