i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
