I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
