Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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