So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
