Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
