Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
