Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
