If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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