She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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