shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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