every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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