i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
