a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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