I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
