Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
