let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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