i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
