i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
