During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
