I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
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