I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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