no, he came in my armpit
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
