Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
