imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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