My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
