I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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