I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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