they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
