i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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