The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
