got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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