I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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