so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
