i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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