If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
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