Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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