i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
