I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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