By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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