Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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