from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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