he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
