i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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