Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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