i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
