So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
