She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
