she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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