youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
